no haikus ever

if this were the best of all possible worlds
then my throat would feel awesome
and i wouldn't have the constant taste
of cherry halls in my mouth

if this were the best of all possible worlds
then i wouldn't be awake
after sleeping the evening away
on a loveseat, not a couch

if this were the best of all possible worlds
then the zipper on these pants would work
and not slide halfway down
making me look constantly ridiculous

if this were the best of all possible worlds
then i would have realized early on
that i could just copy and paste
the first line of each of these stanzas

if this were the best of all possible worlds
then we wouldn't need a batman
because we would all have batman
right here (i'm pointing at my heart)