I'm real angry, Sassy

That's a funny enough place to start

I'm angry and jealous and lonely and sad

Because I don't get to go to sleep and skip the year

Or zone out and just let it happen around me

I'm real angry, Sassy

Because everyone's already engaged

I'm angry and jealous and lonely and sad

And I don't want to work hard for it

And I haven't seen the hard work that everyone else has put in

Just the end result of a status update with a ring icon

I'm real angry, Sassy

Because everyone is stupid but me

Which is what I say as I burn my own house down

And by house I mean two bedroom apartment

When what I would like has more bedrooms

A backyard

And a washer-dryer combo

I'm real angry Sassy

And now you're licking yourself

Ick, it's audible

Shoot sadness in the fucking face

Give anxiety a Michinoku Driver

Pull loneliness' shirt up over its head and

 punch it on the crown of its head

Push ennui down a flight of stairs

Hold all of your worries and troubles by the 

throat over the edge of a tall tall building and 

say a great one-liner before dropping them

Throw a Kienzan at not being able to sleep 

at night and spending hours on the couch during 

the day waiting to go to bed and not sleep

Scream at insecurity and secret shame as you 

crouch over it and choke its life out

Say something really mean to not 

being happy, that'll learn it

Coming home from the third show third month

A band I loved half a lifetime ago

Being surprised that I know all the words

Being surprised that I'm being surprised

Home again step on the cat

She's too dark to see

Apologize and sleep on the couch

Move to bed at six in the morning

Strip to underwear catch my reflection

Older, unflattering, ponchy and hairy

This is who I've been all along

Still sad about it

It's still cold in there so I wrap up in the extra blanket that I had

Would rather it be a person, not a person skinned and made blanket

Somebody besides me

I had a great time, now it's a bad time

I had a great time, now it's a bad time

I distracted myself with not feeling well

I don't think I'm good at this but what else can I do

You look beautiful in the moonlight.

You look beautiful in the daylight, too.

And dusk! And dawn, when it's colder than it will be all day.

When it's early and I wake up before you and you say not to look because you have morning face and a birds' nest for hair, too.

When you're angry with me, when you're sad and it's my fault, when stuff just will not work out.

When I'm boring or say the wrong thing or am uncommunicative.

When I'm surprised to see you, just a weird fluke.

And right after that, too.

Hey dryer, thanks for working so hard

And hey fusebox, thanks for being locked

You're both just doing your job

So I can't blame you for the fact that the dryer isn't working and that my clothes are all damp

It isn't your fault that I want to look nice tomorrow, that's on me

It isn't your fault that maybe I want to impress someone, or at least put my best foot forward

That I would like to appear to not be a mess

That I would appreciate greatly being able to sustain the illusion that yea, I am Kyle

I am an adult and capable of not making an ass out of myself

But, like, I do still blame you

And I am hopeful that one day I will live in a place where I can just change the dang fuse

Hey, what are you doing?

Want to talk about that book?

How 'bout that common interest? 

Are you cold? I'm cold.

These are the boring questions I would love to be 

able to ask you, and be able to talk with you about. 

Little dumb things that don't especially matter, 

but do in the larger scheme.

most of my favourite music is lyrically depressing

but you could dance to it

or at least smile to it

which is a shortcoming of prose writing

the saddest song in the world could be your fucking song

the average sad prose writing just makes you feel sorry for someone

so here's a break for a trumpet solo

♪♫

yeah yeah yeah!

I could keep writing about you, sure

Little tokens of affection

But the thing about tokens is that, in a literal sense, they are a thing that have no actual value other than that given to them by the place they're used.

A token isn't a quarter, a token of affection isn't concrete

So maybe I'll knock it off

But probably not

I woke up from that dream again

I woke up soaked in gore again

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed

I woke up still in my own head

I woke up inside a dream and then woke up again

I woke up already exhausted from the day that hadn't begun

I woke up remembering and taking pride in everything that I had accomplished in my sleep while simultaneously dreading everything that I wouldn't accomplish during my conscious hours

But also soaked in gore, remember that, soaked in gore.

This is a crucial detail that will become important in the future.

Steps to rebuild a face that you can't picture in your mind

1) Panic and realize that you can't remember

2) Try and get nowhere for a bit

3) Think about other faces of people, ones that you're able to remember

4) Give up and go with it for a bit, knowing it will come back

5) Give up on giving up

6) Start with the teeth

The rest of it comes really, really easily

Because yeah, you drew the smile

But that was a smile without teeth

And the teeth form the smile, the teeth give the smile life and a frame, what you need to remember

7) Hairline, eyes, eyelids, set of jaw and shape of nose and idealized colour of eyes

Pants and purse and phone case

These are not a face, but now you remember them all

8) Hi, face

roses are red

violets are violet

it's in the name

jesus christ people

roses are red

violets are blue

gender binary's fucked

let's get high and watch gravity falls

roses are red

violets are blue

spider-man's both

spider-man's poetry?

roses are flowers

violets are flowers

here are some other flowers

daisies, sunflowers, chrysanthemums

roses are red

so is my head

come back to bed

i've made some bread

roses are red

violets are blue

this is a line

this, here, is, too

I went to that show

where I figured I'd know everyone

and I was already owly

and I knew enough people that I could be Show Kyle

bop and tap one foot and nurse a beer

and then the band played a song

that sounded like Sound System

which is certainly not an insult

but I would rather just hear Sound System

and then He appeared

One Dude Skanking

He skanked like no one was watching

at least I was, because, my dude, that was some skanking

He skanked with abandon, He skanked like the world was ending

He skanked circles around the foot tappers and boppers and beer nursers

it was pretty great

His skanking could melt the heart of the most brutal dictator

His skanking could end world hunger and give snacks to the snackless

one skank to rule them all: His

One Dude Skanking

and then the song ended and the next song didn't have that guitar riff

but that's cool, because One Dude Skanking's gotta keep moving

and I think that He'll be back

when we need him most

when we need

One

Dude

Doing That Thing Where You Walk And Dance To Reggae Or Ska

what do you call it?

Leeeegs

I keep waiting for it to be gone

And it still isn't

So I try to ignore it

But my brain keeps pulling my eyes to it

Just there, on the other side of the door

When will this be gone? When will I not want it?

I check again

Of course it's still there

Maybe it's always going to be there

Long after any hope of it still being good

It's going to be there, taunting me

Fred, eat your hummus that's in the staff fridge

It's been like a month, come on

I've learned to fear the heights of feeling good

Because, boom, there's the crash

The crest and the and orange juice

I don't know how that happened

Get into work

My voice is cracking from not being used

Exercise it, socialize

Open up a little to strangers

Go for a walk, it's actually nice out

Even if it is an uneventful walk

Go home, feed the cat, feed the me

Draw for a commission, go for a drink

Crash

Was it the women nattering away in the booth next to me?

With their incessant, cackling, laughter

Was it that the guy with the fade/manbun combo?

He was confident and handsome and a creator

Was it the walk and seeing the same damned car?

Important reminder, that thing you fucked up

Was it Men In Black?

No

Maybe I'm just tired

Sure I'm tired

But I wrote this last week

And put it in the buffer

So maybe I feel better this week

And the sun's out

And I don't crash

The wind doesn't cut into me right now

I went for a walk and the wind was pushing and punching

Shoving me, trying to knock me over

It was screaming at me like it was angry with me

But it couldn't cut me

It's not a winter wind anymore
It's like the real anger, the real drive, went out of it
It's not what it could be, replaced with something
Almost just taunting
Kinda impotent

In the summer it will be sometimes hard to bike against

And it will make me tired

And when I walk it woll make my jacket or sweater or whatever incessantly blow in a contrary direction

And rip my headphones out of my ears

But it won't cut me

It won't cut me for months

So push and punch if it makes you feel better

You stupid, stupid wind

there is going to come a point when I never see you again

and maybe that point has already come!

I... I hope not

but I was thinking earlier today

when I caught the bus to catch the plane out of town

and saw a car that looked like yours but had the old lady driver

that you might up and leave and I wouldn't know until after the fact

until after it was too late to do anything

but it's been too late for a while

so if you leave

tell me

and tell me that Windsor is nice

or Victoria is nice

or that you still would talk

if 

Summer Nights!

I want it to be hot, muggy, the air thick and smelling like how Mississauga smells in my memory, like there are pools everywhere

I want to be outside and sticky and not worried about a coat, and to be on my third t-shirt of the day, walking

I want to walk until I need (NEED) to sit down on a curb for, just, like, five minutes, maybe seven, and to have the optiom to do that

4% battery holding out until I'm almost home so that I have to sing to myself for entertainment the last little bit

Don't fall asleep until 5:30 am, pantlegs wet with dew, please be dew

Wake up already warm, thirsty

I'm already sick of the sun, but I'll miss it in January

Just like I miss lots of things that I don't appreciate at the timeHEY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SUMMER HERE

Gonna walk a flask on down to the corner store and make a hobo colada at the slurpee machine

I want to listen to crickets, walk next to a skunk, worry when I see teenagers that are probably worried when they see me

Watch the sunrise from the other side of a wall in bed and be thankful for summer fucking nights

burn yourself because

heck, yourself doesn't feel that

even if they do

burn yourself because

hey, don't hurt anyone else

only you forever

jesus, wow, bleak though

but you have said it before

the clock is ticking

you've got two years, tops

where ████ will call someone "mom"

instead of their name

two years is a lot

two years ago i was ████

and things were so ████

so I guess who knows

in two years, things might be great

█ ████ ███ ██████

I talked with the one that got away

With three dear friends that I never will reconnect with

With my best friend that got away and I never will reconnect with

I talked about comics and music and industry shit

With so many people about art and creating and everything

And it might be too much

I talked to my cat and she was indifferent

Except for when it came to kneading my stomach

And was it time to eat? Yes? Me eat meat now?

I talked to my daughter and she told me that my music was garbage

But she is twelve

She doesn't know, she thinks that garbage is gold and taste is forever

I am so happy that I could talk to all of them

And now I wait for the crash

Shhhhhhk-bom

What I said was you had been on my mind

What I didn't say was a day hadn't gone by when you weren't

Because I didn't want to seem weird

Even though we both know I am

What I said was I like having someone to talk to 

What I didn't say was I want to do that all the time

Because who says that? Who pulls something like that?

Who puts someone else in a position like that?

I didn't say that I still missed you, or that I was sorry for ruining everything and I was scared that it couldn't ever be fixed, or even that I looked for you when I was out walking, as if seeing you pass by would change anything besides giving me butterflies

What I said was take care

And I meant that

As much as I could

I want a muse

Because my muse right now is that I am without mine

And that makes for a very sorry muse