no haikus ever

i fought your mom and i fought your dad
and i fought the asshole at the bookstore, brad
and i fought the guy with the better beard than i
and i fought the dude who calls everyone "guy"

i fought the law and we came to be friends
but i still drive by and egg his house on weekends
i fought the lovers, they didn't fight back
i never fought slater, but i beat down on zack

i fought your sister, and i fought her mister
and i fought that creepy old man, "mister twister"
i fought the wizard who lived in the tree
though he shapeshifted, so then i was fighting me

i fought to the top of the heap, as it were
i looked down, and what did i see?
nothing but jobbers and undercard wrestlers
and then dean malenko beat me

thank you very much!