Thursday, April 10, 2014

39 ways to kill a man

feed him to sharks
feed him to birds (small)
feed him to birds (larger)
feed him to birds (larger still)
smother him with a pillow
leave him for a worse man (kill him emotionally)
take away his oxygen supply
drop him, as if from a great height
death by chocolate
a knife
too much daytime tv
ground up glass in his spaghetti, i think
too much spaghetti
a meatball the size of however big his throat is
acid, so much acid, more acid then you think you'll need
drop things on him, as if from a great height
nerf duel gone wild
that thing where you hit someone's nose into their brain
bullets, i guess
karate kid crane kick of death
try to save him, really try
face melting guitar solo
teleport only his skin two feet to the left
breakdance (a dance where you break him in half)
kill his dreams
kill him IN his dreams
put a snake in his hat
anthrax on his public enemy cds
oh, poison.  duh-doi.
be really fucking passive aggressive, marlene
cia sniper
push him into a giant's mouth
don't listen to the safe word
Block + UP UP (sweep distance)
introduce him to some fuckin' steel, son
find out what his kryptonite is
invite him to the home alone death house
like, racism

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