I Googled "suicide boys" to see what would come up

And I didn't find a single tattooed wiener

Outrage

But I don't have any tattoos on my wiener

So at least I'm not being excluded from being a piece of sassy meat

Baby, it's cold outside.

I know you've got things to do,

But it's late, the stores are closed, anyway.

And I think you're underestimating just how low the temperature is.

Your mother will worry?

Are we in an age where you can't contact her?

How fucking old are you, anyway?  I think your mom'll be fine.

It's super cold.  I just stepped out for a minute, feel my hands.

I know, right?

No, I'm not trying to get you drunk.

Okay, maybe a little drunk.

It's not like I'm trying to make you be physically unable to drive yourself home.

Are you even listening to yourself right now?

Are you listening to me tell you how very cold it is outside?

Again with your family?  Really?

Send your sister a text.

Really, I'm not sure that your car will even start.

No, you shouldn't walk, and no, you cannot take my coat.

Do you want to go out there and die in these arctic temperatures?

Is that what you want?

You're being a real baby about this, you know.